Posted by: AJ the Irish Lass | June 18, 2007

New Element Discovered

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been
named – Govemmentium.
Govemmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called
Since Govemmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into
A minute amount of Govemmentium causes a reaction to take four days
to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay,
but instead under-goes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Govemmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain
quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as “Critical Morass.”
When catalyzed with money, Govemmentium becomes Administratium – an
element which radiates just as much energy as Govemmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

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